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By: Dick Yarbrough, Georgia Humorist

 

Now, I’m going to blush. Not only am I smarter than smart, I am also a chick magnet. My cup runneth over. With what little modesty I can muster, I must admit I didn’t set out to be this wonderful. I just picked the right university to attend.

A firm called DatingAdvice.com recently surveyed 3,000 singles to determine whether degrees on resumes from certain universities or colleges make people more attractive in the dating world. Obviously, it does or we wouldn’t be having this conversation today.
It seems that the University of Georgia, the oldest state-chartered university in the nation, home to 27 Rhodes Scholars, two national football championships and a lot of Dodge

Chargers that go too fast also “combines rigorous academics with a vibrant social scene.” And that’s not all. “A degree from UGA signifies a person who is both intellectually capable and socially active. UGA grads are known for their dedication and charm, making them appealing and well-rounded partners.” Pause to blush again.

The University of Georgia, the oldest state-chartered university in the nation, etc. etc. did not make the Top Ten colleges and universities in the nation, which includes Harvard, Stanford, Washington State (?) and (ouch!) the University of Florida. But we were tops in the Great State of Georgia and that’s the only list that matters.

The other two universities/colleges to make the list in our state were Georgia State University and Spellman College. It is with regret I inform you that the You-Know-Where Institute of Technology (YKWIT) was nowhere to be found in the list of hip alumni. But all is not bleak.

Yes, they have only six Rhodes Scholars and a campus so small you can cut the grass with a push mower, but their student-athletes did prevail in the highly-regarded Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl this past year, so at least they have that going for them. Bless their hearts.

For those of you who read the fine print in this space and are quick to let me know when I have used who in a sentence instead of whom (or is it the other way around?), you have likely deduced that the DatingAdvice.com survey covers current graduates. Therefore, you may claim I am disqualified from getting all puffed up about being bright and beautiful since I graduated when black dialphones were all the rage. To which I say, piffle.

We were a pretty hot lot back in my day. It is just that DatingAdvice.com wasn’t around to let you know that because Al Gore hadn’t invented the internet yet. Neither was social media, which was a good thing since the Bulldogs never won more than four games in a year while I was in school. YKWIT beat us like a bass drum for eight straight years. Sometimes by a point and one time by 42 points. Four of the years, we didn’t score a touchdown. That infamous period is known as The Drought and even though it happened long ago, I remain severely traumatized from the experience, which causes me on occasion to make impulsive statements about the Rambling Rex in spite of myself. (See paragraph five.)

As for boosting my dating profile, there is not much need for that. I shared most of my adult life on one magnificent date with the Beloved Woman Who Shared My Name. It doesn’t get any better than that. It all started in high school. She obviously saw something other than my dating profile that interested her. A good thing because looking back at photos from those days, my profile was a goofy-looking guy with a crewcut and ears like Dumbo the Elephant.

It was only later I became a UGA graduate, intellectually capable and socially active, not to mention all that other business about dedication and charm. It did little good to remind the Beloved Woman Who Shared My Name of that fact. If I did, she would just remind me I didn’t know the difference between who and whom and to go take out the garbage. The woman was hard to impress.

So, dating is not on my to-do list. If it were, I would be like the proverbial dog that caught the car. What do I do now? I will leave that exercise to the current crowd of Gen-whatevers. I’m just blessed to have a degree from the University of Georgia which says I am smart and alluring. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Woof! Woof!